10 Awesome Hilarious ‘Management‘ Trolls For Facebook, WhatsApp
Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high-tech corporation.
The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes, 1,2,and3. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” the departing CEO said.
Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was catching a lot of heat. At his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first e
Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively. Sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”
Heights of Spontaneity and Confidence. A new appointed executive in an office dialed a number on intercom & said : Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in two minutes !.
But unfortunately the number was of his boss.
Boss shouted : do you know whom you are talking to ?
Executive : no!
Boss: I am the boss of this office.
Executive (in the same tone) : & do u know whom you are talking to?
How to get a promotion
People who do lots of work…
make lots of mistakes
People who do less work…
make less mistakes
People who do no work…
make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes…
That’s why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work
Now its time to get that promotion……
Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Candidate: Yes I think so, I have worked in 10 different places in the last 3 months.
A sportsman went to a hunting lodge and bagged a record number of
birds, aided by a dog named Worker. The next year he returned and
asked for Worker again.
“The hound ain’t no durn good now,” the handler said.
“What happened!” cried the sportsman. “Was he injured?”
“No. Some fool came down here and called him `Manager‘ all week
instead of Worker. Now all he does is sit on his tail and bark.”
A CEO has his business going well, but he’s a bit worried. He decides to check the competence of his employees.
The first person he meets is his assistant:
– Oh Miss, I’d like to ask you just a question. How much make 2+2 ?
– Yes Sir. Do you want a detailed memo on that?
– No, just answer the question.
– Well, I think it’s 4.
Then he goes to the computer tech:
– Hi John! Just a question. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
John runs Excel, and after five minutes answers:
– It is 4.00 E+0, but I’m not sure, the support staff should come tomorrow. Will I ask them to check it?
Then he goes to the accountant:
– Hello mister, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
– Well, well, I know I’m late. I’m sorry. I didn’t already collect all the data, neither check all the accounts. But I can estimate it now between 3.196… and… let’s say… 5.659. But I’ll be able to make a much more accurate estimate within two weeks!
A bit disappointed, he goes to the sales manager:
– Hello Bob, could you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
– So… How much do you think it makes?
– I ask you to answer.
– Mmh… you don’t want to tell me your price. You want me to make an offer. – Indeed.
– So, let’s say 6! No, excuse me, you’re not that kind of man, you know the market. I sell it to you for 5.25, and that’s the price I’ make for my best friend!
Then he goes to his lawyer:
– Good Morning Mister. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
– Right now?
– So, at first I would say 2, but I’m convinced that with a good preparation, we can get 3!
And, finally, he goes to the actuary:
– Hello Sir, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
– Of course. It is… It is… Mmmmh, well, how much would you like it to make?