Misunderstanding is the major reason for problems in relations. This happens when people misinterpret our views or they think that we are rude, whereas the truth is that we are trying to be honest. So in these cases what can we do to save our relation……especially our friendship?
Remember that honesty is the basis of all healthy relationships whether with a friend, a significant other, co-worker or any other person. Honesty gives rise to trust, which is essential for maintaining relationships. Honesty also establishes consistency, allowing the other person to rely on what you say as carrying true meaning. Most importantly of all, honesty is about respect and valuing the dignity of the other person.
Recognize how dishonesty plays itself out within a relationship. Lying to a friend or other person can ruin a relationship, sometimes instantly. Even if dishonest behaviour goes undetected for a time, it will white ant your relationship––insincerity and a lack of investment in the well-being of the other person burrows into the subconscious of those at the receiving end, even though the most finely crafted lies and pretence. Dishonest behaviour in relationships can include:
Although more complex than there is room for discussion here, enabling behaviour is a form of dishonesty. You fail to address the root problem and enable the bad behaviour. This dishonesty can let problems fester or grow, damaging both the other person and the relationship.
Sometimes dishonesty is as simple as saying “Yes, that looks all right on you”, just because you can’t be bothered or don’t care. This is a failure of paying attention and is insincere because you fail to want the best for the other person, giving your own wants greater attention.
Acknowledge why you feel a desire to lie instead of speaking honestly. Honesty is often embarrassing or confronting. It requires clarity of thought, very carefully chosen words of candour and a commitment not to stray from the facts. Other reasons for lying include covering up your own weaknesses, maintaining compromises that makes life easier to cope with and avoid getting into trouble. And many people have been raised to see honesty as too “blunt” or “rude”; yet rather than being an issue of etiquette, this stems from a misunderstanding as to how to put forward honest messages compassionately. There is a world of difference between being tactless and being considerately and respectfully open.
Be honest with yourself first. This may seem unusual, given that you want to know how to be honest to others. However, until you can be honest about your own weaknesses or share of the blame, you risk using lying or evasion of the truth to cover up your own sense of failing, especially if you have a tendency to compare yourself to others. Being honest with yourself is about knowing––and accepting––yourself, warts and all. Good self-knowledge means that you are less likely to try to conform to other people’s expectations of you, lessening the need to lie to them. If you’re not pretending to be someone you’re not, then people already know what they can expect from you and you can spend more time focused on having a compassionate outlook towards other people instead of worrying about how you come across.
When expressing an opinion that may conflict with that of the other person, particularly if it is about some work that they have produced, focus on the positive aspects of a recommendation.
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