Several racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts boasting about his track record.
“Of my last 15 races,” he says, “I’ve won eight.”
Another horse breaks in, “Well, I”ve won 19 of my last 27!”
“That’s good, but I’ve taken 28 of 36,” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point a greyhound who’s been sitting nearby pipes up.
“I don’t mean to boast,” he says, “but of my last 90 races, I’ve won 88.” The horses are clearly amazed.
“Wow,” says one after a prolonged silence, “a talking dog!”
Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
Grand Prix Race Announcer: “The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.”
Baseball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
Ringside Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing – but none of them really that serious.”
Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there.
“Please,” protested the college President, “you already make more than the entire History department.”
“Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.”
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
“You’re not there, sir,” he reported.
“Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the President, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”