Resentment


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Resentment is not just a word but it has a lot of feeling and emotions hidden in it. Resentment is when someone you love lies. He/ she lies about him being with her and vice versa. It is something to do with cheating. Cheating is said to happen when you lie. There is a certain discomfort. A bitterness that is being formed in the silence of your hearts and minds. Questions in your heart, these are those questions that remain un-answered. When someone lied to you about being happy with you, but deeply mourned your presence in his life. You do good for him all the time and all you receive is a bunch of lie.

Resentment is that bitter feeling of discomfort and hurt that makes you attain pistantrophobia. A complicated word yet easy to define is the word pistantrophobia. Pistantrophobia is a feeling of fear of not believing people because you have been lied to. The fear of trusting people again and being hurt. Nobody likes being hurt. If he /she ever lied to you and you know he/ she is lying and you feel hurt. You pick up every broken piece of your heart and end up loving someone endlessly and loving someone more and more. And again they do the same things to you not realising the kind of damage it is making inside of you. Resentment and grudges harm you and kill you inside. They kill you from within.

It is that feeling when you want to believe someone again and you will be all right again. But no matter how much you try the hurt and suspicions multiply. You never seem to get over the way he has hurt you. If he’s physically cheated on you, it makes it very difficult for you to swallow that pill. You don’t really understand how he could give himself to another the very thing he gave to you. Sharing the bed that intimacy is something that is special to you and when it is shared with another it kills you from within. Imagine a wife seeing a lipstick mark early in the morning on her husband’s shirt. He’s violated the rules of marriage. Even though it was a mistake. She has been hurt badly and it cannot be denied.

Resentment is that feeling when you are trying to forget what all he has done to you and yet you cannot forget it. He’s trying to change but for low long. You seem to feel all the more insecure; you lose hope in your relationship. As the very essence of relationship that is trust is broken. As much as you want to trust him you know it won’t be the same. Even if you get back and he’s trying to change it will be very difficult as you may question him more than often. You may also not believe every word that comes out of his mouth even if it is true. This will happen because you’re full of resentment.

You try to do the best you can and keep yourself busy from thinking about all the pain but it comes up from nowhere any time sometime somehow somewhere.  Once your cheated you feel inferior, your morale is crushed down so hard. You feel no good, you feel you’re the worst person on earth and you feel like a looser. Especially after giving so much to your partner, he wasn’t satisfied and his mistress could do better than you. That feeling kills you from within. Loving someone is easy but coming out of the resentment is very difficult.  You love that person more than ever, even as deeply and truly more than your life. The best part of yourself, you give to him, it’s all sacrificed. He doesn’t even realise and see the sacrifices you have done for him.

For the numbers of years you spent with him, the things you did with him and for him. You think about it and you feel if you deserve to be treated this way? You might have been in his life for years and you were there first before anyone could come. Before fame, money and the mistress could. She must have been attractive. But even if she was you too are beautiful and you were here first. When you look her in the eye that is when you come across her and all the feelings your man had with her suddenly comes into your mind. All it’s all because he lied to you not once but all the time. You look at her in the eye and see she’s had half of you even when she’s not even half of what you are. When you see she and you know she’s shared your man. Even if you didn’t want too she has had half of what was once yours completely. That is bitterness you have against her, against your man and against what they shared. She remains happy and it doesn’t matter to him but it matters to you because you never expected something like that to happen to you and life is all about the unexpected things that happen with you.

That resentment stays with you for the rest of your life. It is like the black mark on your relationship. Even though it wasn’t your fault it was a fault that changed your entire life and your decisions of life. Resentment doesn’t take you anywhere except for guilt, tears and regret. It makes you feel like a fool. It makes you feel how foolish you were in making a decision in life. Loving someone doesn’t hurt, cheating and a feeling of being lied to hurts. Resentment should be replaced with restructuring life, thoughts and beliefs. No matter how much it hurts it cannot remain in your heart. Restructuring life and hoping for the positives and a better tomorrow is what life should be. Resentment creates a self-inflicted wound, which only responsibility and forgiveness will heal.

 

  • Carren Bryne.

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