Here are a few reasons why we don’t think the story of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey can make the jump.
1: The Conundrum
Let’s be honest, ladies — if you loved E L James’ steamy books about Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey’s S&M exploits, you’re in this for the sex. Don’t bother trying to church it up… just own it. As such, when you plunk down your money on that movie ticket, you fully expect to see some explicit S&M (and T&A, and any other acronyms that basically spell out S-E-X).
And, it would seem producer Dana Brunetti wants to fulfill your naughty wishes. Noting that fans have been vocal about wanting it “dirty,” Brunetti admitted in a recent interview that he “always thought it would be really cool if we released the R version and then we had an NC-17 version that released a few weeks later.”
But will Brunetti, co-producer Michael De Luca, director Sam Taylor-Johnson and writer Kelly Marcel be able to stick to their guns? If Universal decides they want to lure a younger audience, they run the risk of alienating the trilogy’s rabidly obsessed readers. Uh, not to mention, what the heck will the movie consist of if they strip out the sex scenes? It’s not like the characters are super-nuanced or the plot line is full of depth. It’s pretty one-dimensional, people, and that dimension is sex. Hot, sadomasochistic sex. Lots of it. If the film restricts itself to full frontal nudity, what’s the point?
2: The lead characters
Fifty Shades is all about the booty, baby. As in, tappin’ that. As in, every interaction — every thread of paper-thin dialogue — is a precursor to gettin’ some bone. (Seriously, you can’t be offended by this if you read the book or plan to watch the movie.) If Dornan and Johnson don’t have chemistry, or if people simply don’t want to see them getting frisky, there’s really not much else to compel fans to go see the movie.
3:People don’t talk like that (do they?)
So much of Fifty Shades is devoted to the inner musings (pages upon pages of it) of Anastasia Steele. And, really, can you imagine what that would sound like played out on-screen? We can’t stop giggling just thinking about how accidentally comical it will be to have Dakota Johnson prattling on about the way her “inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils” via voice-over.
Plus, these characters are supposed to be in their 20s, right? Do you know any 20-something dudes who would say something like, “I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is a knife in my dark soul,” or, “Laters, baby”? Much less ones that are billionaires — 20-something billionaires. As for Anastasia Steele, how is all of her blushing, lip-chewing and over-usage of expressions like “Jeeze” and “Holy cow!” going to play out on the big screen? Good luck with that, Dakota Johnson.
4: It’s degrading, no?
In Fifty Shades of Grey, the leading man is jealous, demanding, misogynistic, controlling, a bit of a stalker and, well, troubled. The heroine is naive, insecure and more than happy to let said leading man dominate her and make her feel more diminutive. C’mon… he has her sign over her sexual rights by way of a legal contract. He tells her she can’t snack between meals. Wait, say what?
Indulging in these kinds of fantasies is, to quote Sex and the City, “bottom shelf, paper bag.” It’s something women might read in the comfort and privacy of their own home but likely won’t cop to in public. We have a feeling larger audiences won’t be quite so forgiving of the fact that Christian Grey is kind of a d*** and Anastasia Steele is a bit of a clueless ingenue.
BY HARSHVARDHAN SINGH.
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