Four laws of accounting:
- Trial balances don’t.
- Working capital doesn’t.
- Bank reconciliations don’t.
- Return on investments don’t.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor:
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks: “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?” The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, “Can I help? Have you lost something?” “No,” says one of the doctors. “We’re about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we’re looking for a suitable stone.”
An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Old accountants never die. They just lose their balance.
Q: What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
A: Go into town and gang-audit someone.
Q: What’s an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he’s/she’s talking to you instead of his/her own.
Q: There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
A: Those who can count and those who can’t.
Q: What’s a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s/she’s retiring.
Q: What does an accountant use for birth control?
A: His/her personality.
Q: Why don’t accountants read novels?
A: Because the only numbers are page numbers.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that others don’t?
Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When someone asks for a raise.
Q: What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his/her hotel room?
A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
By Amit B