1. The first rule of investing is not to lose money. The second rule is not to forget the fist rule!
  2. The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart.
  3. Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.
  4. Profit is only made after all your positions are closed
  5. Money is always there, but the pockets change.
  6. Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
  7. Bull Market is a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  8. Bear Market is a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
  9. The safest way to double your money is to fold it and put it in your pocket.
  10. Always play with other people’s money!
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