1. What’s an extroverted accountant?  A. One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
  2. What’s an auditor?  A. Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
  3. How do you drive an accountant completely insane?  A. Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
  4. How do you know when your CFO is becoming more tolerant? A. He lets Marketing present their entire budget before saying ‘No’



Why there are so many tired accountants


An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”

“Have you tried counting sheep?”

“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”



How do accounts’ wives deal with insomnia? 

If an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she do?

Leans over to her husband and says “Tell me about work today, honey.”



Successful Succession Planning

An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk draw and that the envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job and envelope number 2 if a further crisis occurs.

Three months down the track there is a major drama, all the accounts are wrong – the usual stuff – and the accountant feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and finds and opens the first envelope. The message inside says “blame me!” He does this and gets off the hook.

Three months later at his next crisis he opens the second envelope. The message inside says “Write two envelopes”.




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